This Is Not My Territory

Territory - Region, Area, Zone,Sector, Protectorate...

Im out of mental territory.. I cant really control those happening around me, especially those unhappy one, the effect are more obvious... I dunno where I belong to, I dunno where should I go, I dunno who I belong to, I dun like this kind of feeling.. but what can I do with it? izzit time for emo again? haha.. hopefully not..

I dunno how to interact with some of my friends anymore, especially the very very close one, yes is the one.. u get it? haha, now a days.. He go anywhere without me, When I ask him to go out with me.. He already there with friends.. ish.. I really dunno how to place myself, what to do? Now, Im thinking running away from home for a little moment...

In where I stay now, sometimes I felt that Im not belong to here anymore, like an EXTRA.. The feeling is suffocating me. In a way, Im treatening myself agian...

I dunno again, what am I to u? haha.. a friend or a foe? or just a stranger? You probably wont remember me one day..Everytime I think bout this, Im chickened, so much chicken.. buaks.. cockery cock.. bruaks bruaks... haiz..

I got a sucks haircut, there gone my longerie hair.. haiz, when it was long , I hope it short. Now it is short, I hopes that it is long.. what the fucking mind I have? I told the barber Hairstylist, cut it shorted abit, n it turned out he cut it short till left abit... Tears nearly splash out in the salon..

I cant control, Im out of my territory...

How do you cool your lips, after a summer's kiss?
How do you rid the sweat, after the body bliss?
How do you turn your eyes, from the romantic glare?
How do you block the sound of a voice
You'd know anywhere?
Oh I really should've known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face told me
Maybe you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive, insensitive, insensitive
How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch?
How do you slow your blood, after the body rush?
How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend?
How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?
Oh you probably won't remember me
It's probably ancient history
I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell to fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have some advice to give
How to be insensitive
Oh I really should've known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face told me
Maybe you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

Insensitive by Jann Arden..

Maybe Im just too sensitive in everything, especially I felt loneliness, I will be even more sulking...

My Words, My Heart

To Your heart :

How should I make a start for u? the one in my life... haha, people says it is hard for u to find someone that u willing to spent ur life with, or even die for.. but yet, I found u.. but it is pretty hard for me. You asked me before, who is the one I admire? haha, I hint u very very obvious.. IT IS U.. haha..but when u ask me is that u ? haha, I tortoised.. haha, y ? Just because I know that u dont love me as much as I love u.. so I dun wan to make u feel stress, I dun wan to make trouble between both of us..

Few years back, when I first see u in school, haha.. I should say I stunned.. haha, u got me ? Stunned.. maybe it sounds stupid to u.. I used to wait u outside the bus stand.. haha.. I peep u.. who cares? haha no one care who I m peeping on.. I got over excited everytime u notice that Im looking at you.. haha, you really shine n glow in my eyes... I enjoy the time where Im sitting at the bus stop, and u standing behind for the shade, it give me a feeling that someone I love is always behind to support me.. duh.. it is just out of my imagination... and u dissapear right after Im form 5, u graduated. I thought I could never find u back...

I still remember how happy Im when I found u back, haha... I get to know u better, atleast I got a second chance... but too bad u told me that u cant believe in love anymore, I was so naive and stupid that believing I'm the one who could help u.. I should hit myself with the words W.T.F!!! U did a small romantic things on my 18 birthday... I was so darn happy, like a retarded.. u sent me a birthday mail.. duh, it is a small one but I nvr told u my birthday before. I asked u so many times how u could knew it? but it seems like remain a mystery forever. I tot everything will be going fine until the day we are going to live happily ever after, but I think I ruined it.. too many bugging, coz I see u no online for over 2 months.. I keep on giving u offline massage, I tot it should be a romantic or a touching act.. but it seems not to be like that, The only reply I get is DONT CONTACT ME ANYMORE, I couldn't believe it, I seriously cannot. It tooks me another 2 months to slowly believe it... I felt that I'm the extra one in ur life, u nvr knwo how many pieces my heart shattered off..

Upon I'm giving up those hopeless hope I have on u, u come back with ur HI. once agian I fall seriously back for u, or I should say I nvr been giving up.. now we are talking more than last time.. which I really glad about it... people say if u wanna get something, u should work hard on it.. how hard should I work ? haha, gods only know bout that.

You are going to Aus for study very very soon, you told me before that you wanna have a whole new life over there, u want to have ur career over there... Possibily, u dun wan to come back anymore. What am I gonna do with it? I take it agian, I dun wan to be the obstacle in ur life, my love it shouldn't be the things which hold u, or trouble... I dun wan to make u feel stress, I cant promise but I will do my best coz u are the one I met in this lifetime, I should treasure u as much as a king treasure his crown.

YOU ARE ALWAYS THE APPLE IN MY EYES.

from : My Heart